


Of Heathens and Heretics

by FergardStratoavis



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alters Are Pretty Tsun, Cunnilingus, F/F, Nero is a tease, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Sex Toys, Shameless Self-Indulgence, Strap-Ons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 16:51:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20624354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FergardStratoavis/pseuds/FergardStratoavis
Summary: After all children of Chaldea - naughty and nice both - receive their presents, Santa still has two particularly ornery naughties to deal with. A mere lump of coal will not do for them; no, something special is in order...





	Of Heathens and Heretics

Santa Alter – who was also Artoria Pendragon, or some strange version of thereof – was nothing if not meticulous.

As the original giftgiver of Chaldea, it was her duty to address desires and dreams of good children, as well as curbing those of naughty ones. The workload has been lifted ever since others joined her on this duty, but her habits of giving it her all haven’t lessened in the slightest. Plus, some of these new Santas were… suspicious to her, sometimes. The one riding a space sheep, in particular. Still, thanks to them she was less stressed and less burdened with her holy responsibility overall, so their help was welcome.

It wasn’t like she still didn’t have plenty of good and naughty children to visit. Hers was the chief duty to tend to all Saberfaces, and those were among the more numerous groups in Chaldea. There were also her loyal knights, and a few other stragglers – usually related to the Saberfaces in question. One after another, all of them were blessed with Santa Claus’s benediction – even her fellow Santa from France, or the dreamworld equivalent of thereof – until only two naughty children remained.

One was from Rome, another from near Orleans.

While normally naughty children would receive coal and that would be the end of things, these two – an overachieving emperor from Ancient Rome and a twisted image of a pious saint, these days more akin to a grumpy cat – were a _special_ kind of naughty. A mere lump of coal would be insufficient for such levels of heathenry and heresy. And, though Santa would never admit it out loud, even on her own, that she was quite fond of the two. There was… _some_ fondness there for their overbearing antics, whether they were intentional or out of desire to appear threatening and menacing (and failing miserably; nobody in Chaldea was fooled anymore).

She wanted to give them a present, in a startling breach of conduct. They were still naughty however, and so the present had to be something that would be a good push for them to start behaving slightly less unbearably. Some part of Santa pondered if that’s a good decision – one could almost consider their obnoxious attitudes charming – but all in all, it was probably wise to have them turn to good ways.

Thus, both Nero Claudius and Jeanne Alter received a missive, written in stoic British handwriting – deliberately flowery, much to Avenger’s utter chagrin – telling them to visit Santa’s room to receive a special gift for especially naughty children. What that would entail the two of them could not possibly know until it was too late.

\----

Santa looked at her two guests with a critical eye. Jalter barely put any clothing together, sprawled on the good Saint’s bed with a bag of chips, in a tank top and a pair of shorts, with her fluffy slippers strewn about the room haphazardly, her long hair just about ruffled together so it didn’t get on her face. By contrast, Nero dressed overbearingly lavishly, in a variation of her red summer dress and big platform shoes, with pleasing jewelry, groomed hairdo with a little rose hairclip, and a tempting red lipstick, on top of other ever so faint yet still garish makeup.

Resisting an urge to stare at the bodies under these clothes for too long, Santa cleared her throat. “As you know, I summoned you here because you were especially naughty in all of Chaldea.” Nero looked positively hurt by the accusation, Jalter could not possibly give less of a damn.

“How come this be, my dear splendorous Saint?” The purple prose immediately left the sole green-eyed person in the room’s lips. “Am I not the pinnacle of perfection that gives and is given?”

“Not quite, no.”

“Then what’s with the “special occasion” crap?” Jalter grumbled, munching (obnoxiously loudly) on a chip. “Don’t you just give us coal and be done with it normally?”

“Normally, but this Christmas is different.” Santa shook her head, putting down the bag of goodies. It would not be needed this time. “You have gone way too far for me to give you mere coal. A _lesson_ is needed.”

“Pain in the ass...”

“What could you be teaching us, dear Saint?” Nero tilted her head curiously. “You don’t strike me as much of a teacher. No offense, of course~”

“Because this Christmas is _different_.” Christ, why was it so hard to explain it to those two? Some part of it was definitely because of how thickheaded those two were, and not because she herself had trouble expressing something that might have sounded incredibly out of character for her. Santa took off her hat, rubbing the bridge of her nose in frustration. “As for what, you both suffer from hubris. Some humility is in order.”

“_Some humility is in order,_ she says.” Jalter replied in her most decidedly terrible impression of Santa, sneering disdainfully. “I’ve got your humility right here.” Grumbling, she shuffled off the bed, putting her slippers on. “Look, just do what you gotta do and leave us alone.”

“I am in no rush myself.” The Roman emperor replied. “The least we could do is to hear our dear Saint out, my fair Gaul maiden.”

“Don’t call me that, you pasta-for-brains!” Perhaps Jalter was right. All Santa needed to do was to do what she had to do. Taking a deep breath, the giftgiving Servant nodded in agreement before approaching Avenger. Before the French wraith could come up with another snide comment, her hips were seized and she herself pulled close to Santa.

The world slowed down to a screeching halt. Nero blinked and made an “ooooh...” sound that Artoria found incredibly aggravating for some reason, but she could not distract herself with that when she had Jalter’s monstrous bust pressing against her chest – and she was braless, the lazy slob. Of course. “W-wait, what the hell-” Before Avenger could find her words again, Santa went in for the kill, tilting the other girl’s head down and gracing her with a sudden, hot kiss. Jalter squeaked in surprise, her face redder than Nero’s dress. “What the fuck-” Her lips were claimed again. Pulling herself from her stupor, the French wraith pried Santa off her. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, you shitty Brit?”

“What you said.”

“I didn’t say that you come here and kiss me!” Dear Saint still had one hand on her hip, in fact.

“What did she say, Nero?”

“That you do what you got to do.” The red-clad girl replied with a giggle, clearly quite entertained by the scene before her.

“Thank you. I’ll be with you in a moment.”

“That’s not what I me-mmf…!” Another kiss. Jalter’s focus wavered for a bit. Much to her surprise, she found the kisses really pleasing, even if she would never admit it out loud. In that case, her and Santa were quite similar. “Geddoff...”

“Make me.” Jalter did nothing beyond offering some token resistance of squirming, even when her lips were pried open by Artoria’s tongue. Oh _fuck_, that felt way too good from this stupid Brit. Avenger’s poise was steadily eroded as she struggled not to return the kiss, not to give her the satisfaction. A sound escaped her lips, b-but it could have very well been an annoyed grunt! Right?

...right?

Santa finally pulled back to breathe, watching Jalter’s flushed face from up close, a trickle of saliva between their mouths. “Don’t leave.” She said tersely. Despite herself, Avenger nodded ever so slightly, feeling her knees buckle under her. Slowly, she flopped backwards on the bed, sitting up after a moment and just in time to see Santa suck face with Nero – and the green-eyed emperor returning the kiss without any objection.

“You should have told me, my dear Saint… I would bring out my wedding gown...” She giggled, then yelped and moaned when Artoria hushed her with another kiss. Their tongues moved against each other as Jalter watched and found herself growing even more embarrassed by watching than by partaking. Was that shitty Brit just horny? Or did she genuinely like the two of them?

Her body grew more tingly and heated as those two over there grew more bold with each other. Santa was in charge, playing with Nero’s breasts through her red dress, kneading and groping them much to the Emperor’s trilling delight. She pushed her down and deepened the kiss, reaching down her dress and feeling at what was under it.

Jalter stared, her whole face feeling like it was on fire. Nero’s little gasps rung in her ears way louder than they actually were when Santa toyed with her body. The fact that this proud emperor let her, without any objection, was something that Avenger struggled to understand. Where the two of them in on this to embarrass the living hell out of her? Santa cast her a look mid-kiss, but Nero was fully absorbed by the Saint’s questing hands and tongue.

Their tongues were… really nimble, Jalter realized, before realizing that she’s thinking about those two and how hot the kiss was. Finally, Santa pulled back, followed by the Emperor’s needy whine for more affection. “Do not be mistaken. This is to educate you, so you can start a new way of life as proper sinless maidens.”

“By coming onto me like a virile faun, you mean?” Nero grinned, and then squeaked in lewd surprise when Santa slapped her breast in response. The jiggle made it clear she too didn’t wear a bra, even if her dress made it easier to conceal the fact.

“That filthy tongue of yours needs something better to do than to yap about pagan rituals...” Santa growled, seizing the Emperor in another kiss – brief, but hot – and then raising from the bed. Slowly, her boots and pantyhose came off. “Perhaps purifying you with Holy Water will amend some of that...” The intention wasn’t quite clear from behind her quickened breathing and husky tone. Jalter had to applaud her for keeping in character even now. “Get on the floor.”

“Oh, my dear Saint… so commanding~” Cooing softly, Nero heeded the order and shuffled down onto her knees. What happened next, Jalter didn’t have to guess: Santa’s breath hitched again as she bit her lip, tangling her fingers into the green-eyed girl’s elaborate hairdo. With an annoyed grunt, she took off her gloves as well, now able to grace the other girl with the touch of her pale flesh.

It seemed that Nero’s boastful claim about being a daughter of Venus may not have been entirely unfounded, judging by how hard Santa struggled to keep her face affixed in her usual scowl and not just drop the decorum entirely. “Such a naughty Saint, not wearing any panties… seems you took some precautions to better convince us~” The emperor giggled softly, her lips and tongue gracing Artoria with her benevolent touch. Jalter flushed even further, hearing of that scandalous discovery – and to make matters worse, her own undies were beginning to feel uncomfortably tight.

A playful swipe drew a husky moan from the Saint, gripping Nero’s hair and pulling her in, panting excitedly. The emperor moaned in kind, her other hand sneaking up and finding Artoria’s little rear, gripping it with utmost pleasure. “Don’t… don’t get carried away...” The warning fell on deaf ears, as the other girl’s tongue probed her insides, ripping another hearty moan out of Santa. Trying to save face – even though Jalter thought that Artoria’s lewd face was well worth seeing – she started moving her hips to reestablish dominance, grinding on Nero’s errant tongue.

Still no dice. “Hehe… you craved us so much, it’s very flattering~” The emperor teased from below, her lips finding the little button sitting atop Santa’s womanhood and wrapping around it with nefarious purpose in mind. Artoria’s body shook lewdly. “There’s no shame about admitting… ah, admitting your desires...”

“N-nooo… it’s… education...” Any pretense of dominance had long disappeared in favor of carnal bliss, much to Santa’s chagrin. She didn’t want to be seen as so weak, to let her shameless desire be seen. In this shameful oblivion of pleasure, she did not see Jalter sneaking upon her and turning the tables until their lips were crashed together.

“Shut up. At least be honest about it...” Avenger growled into the kiss as Santa’s master plan to make these two submit toppled like a house of cards. The French menace had absolutely no skill at kissing, but more than made up for it with her sheer stubborn approach. Combined with Nero’s skillful tongue, Artoria could not hope to mount a defense, gasping into Jalter’s mouth as her body convulsed in the pleasurable throes of orgasm.

The emperor giggled, withdrawing from below and very pointedly licking her lips off tasted saintly arousal. “Mm… what shall we do next?~” Santa had yet to regain her breath to respond, but it seemed Avenger already had ideas in mind. Before Artoria knew it, she was naked before them and on her back, her pale body exposed for their lascivious intent. “I wonder if we can find any implements around here...” Nero hummed, slowly shaking her dress off as her breasts came out, fresh and soft. Both Alters blushed, taking in the emperor’s heavenly body as she stayed only in her red panties and heels.

“Implements like what?” Jalter asked, staring between the two and feeling herself squirm quite a lot. She wasn’t sure what she felt when kissing Santa on her own, but she wanted to feel it again; just to make sure that it was a positive feeling.

“Something nice, big, and phallic~” It was an obvious answer in retrospect, but Avenger still blushed at the thought. Santa took a moment of distraction to mount a counterattack and give a fellow Alter a grope. Jalter squeaked, feeling himself rooted to the bed, even as Santa rolled her tank top up to let her breasts out. “Oh my~ You’re even bigger than me, umu!”

“It’s b-because of that dumbass Ruler…”

“Ah, but this is no time for grievances.” Smiling, the emperor climbed up further on the bed and gave Avenger a kiss too, much to her increasingly aroused confusion. “All we want to do now is to enjoy ourselves~”

\----

Suffice to say, big phallic implements could have been found in dear Saint’s room, after all.

The three of them undressed soon after, two Alters exploring the other’s body while they watched Nero rummage through the room in search of something nice and proper for a session of candid lovemaking. While the Santa was weak from her earlier climax, Jalter was just… weak to her touch in general, panting and moaning quietly. The smaller of the Alters found her sex, wet and hot with desire Avenger didn’t fully understand. “F-fuck...” The fingers pressed at the outline, circling around with a purpose.

“I’ll be with you in a moment~ By all means, subject yourselves to pleasure unimaginable still. Your moans are a heavenly music.” The emperor cooed softly, searching for the desired item. The Alters exchanged a briefly annoyed look, but then Santa went back on the offensive, slipping a finger inside Avenger. Jalter let out a startled moan.

“Feels good, o Gaul Maiden?” Rider smirked, calling back to Nero’s earlier comment.

“Bite me… a-ah…!~” Santa heeded the request, clamping down on Avenger’s breast and giving it a gentle nibble before she settled for kisses and licks. “I d-didn’t… m-mean it literally…!”

“Too late.” She curled a finger inside Jalter for a good measure, making the other girl’s back arch up and a strangled cry of pleasure to rip from her throat. One digit became two, and their pace intensified. A string of quiet words in French – most of them curses, probably – came out of Avenger’s throat as her hips began bucking back against Santa’s fingers.

“Oh, watching you two is a pleasure in itself~” Nero chirped as she approached with two peculiarly-shaped toys. Even in the midst of her lewd haze, Jalter couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at their shape, the big one fashioned after Rhongomyniad and the smaller one after Excalibur. “How eager is she, my gift-giving Saint?”

“Enough.” Her fingers left Jalter who whined in mighty need, trying to keep them inside. “Give no quarter.”

“With utmost pleasure~” Now it was Nero’s fingers that entered Avenger’s sex. She had no idea that there could be such a difference in technique or the feeling, but the emperor’s digits made for a different impression, warmer and more skilled. Santa continued to torment her breast with licks and kisses while Nero herself very pointedly made the lance-dildo wet with her own saliva, making sure Avenger watched every swipe of her tongue.

“Oh f-fuck...f-fuck, this won’t go in...” She protested with a quivering voice, but her body shook in want all the same, in spite of her apprehension. The emperor was well-aware of this bodily weakness, her fingers curling inside of Jalter and making her trill, her head thrown back with a moan. “F-fuck…!”

“Feels good, doesn’t it? But if a “mere” emperor’s fingers leave you so breathless… then I wonder what this divine artifact shall do to you~” Nero cooed with a smirk, finished with preparations as her digits slowly left Avenger, just on the verge of pleasurable oblivion. Jalter’s vision was foggy and disorganized, and Santa’s attacks upon her bosom were not helping. In a fit of token defiance, she lurched forward and pressed the smaller Alter into the bed.

“Hmm… so there’s still fight in youuuooh...” Santa’s softspoken taunt quickly turned into a pleased moan when Jalter began repaying the earlier attack twofold. Though she might have lacked the skills for it – and because the Brit’s breasts were much smaller – she more than made up for it with stubborn will to show her up. “Good girl...”

“D-don’t you get smart with me...” Avenger growled, nibbling on the nipple. In this position, she was turned away from Nero’s inevitable attack, but the mire of lust made her dismiss the thought. For now, she wanted to make Santa feel as good as she did earlier.

So distracted she was that she only realized the lance-toy was entering her once it was a third of the way in. “Such unwavering poise~” The emperor giggled, taking pleasure in how said poise broke with Jalter’s realization. The bigger Alter flopped on top of the smaller one, panting and moaning as her wet folds nearly sucked the toy in some more. Santa took the moment of weakness to retaliate and kiss away at Avenger’s neck and chin, hands greedily seizing her breasts.

“G-gonna… gonna cum… gonna cum…!~” And come she did, her whole body arching up as her vision went blank and the spark of pleasure rocked her entire being. A choked out moan ripped from her throat before she collapsed on top of the other Alter, trying and failing to come to. Slowly, Nero pulled the toy out of her, making Jalter moan once more. “A-ah...”

“A very good girl...” Santa smirked, but the smirk seemed fonder than her usual, gently picking up the other Alter’s head and gracing her with a kiss.

\----

The only one left was the heavenly emperor herself.

Since Jalter was still a little out of it, it was decided that her role in paying back for the Roman attack that brought her to the brink would be Nero’s lap pillow. Avenger, for her part, didn’t necessarily mind that. She had a free reign to play with the blonde’s body however she liked – and be played with, if the emperor was willing to grace her with her benediction once again – and she well knew that Santa was ruthless enough for the two of them to bring the confident daughter of Venus to a pleasurable oblivion.

It didn’t hurt that the emperor was asking for it. “I suppose the time has come for my purification.” Nero smirked, boldly spreading her legs without a care in the world before the British Alter. Santa prepared the other toy, this time with a strap around her hips, staring down unimpressed.

“Don’t think yourself immune from divine wrath just because you know how to move your tongue.” She simply said, dragging two fingers over the emperor’s entrance and making her shudder with want. “I have gained intimate knowledge of your weaknesses over our acquaintance.”

“Ohhh?~ I presume you will spare nothing” Slowly, the blonde spread out her womanhood, oh so pink and moist with carnal desire. “for me then?” Much to Santa’s shame, she felt her cheeks flush. Nero’s teasing look spoke more than enough.

“...rest assured, emperor. I will see to you.”

“...then get to it already.” Jalter quipped, idly playing with the blonde’s breasts. “You guys have been just barking at each other for a few minutes.”

“There is nothing wrong with that, is there?~” Nero giggled, reaching up with her arm to caress Avenger’s reddening cheek. “Even the basest and most bestial of intercourses are not unlike theater, where the action builds up slowly, for the suspeeeeeeiii…!~~” Santa didn’t seem to agree with the notion, striking when the emperor was distracted. The glorious Excalibur smashed into Nero’s temple of love in one single stroke, making her trill excitedly.

“Enough talking.” The smaller Alter growled, leaning down to kiss the insolent heathen hard, shoving her tongue down the emperor’s throat as she kept the toy deep inside of her. Jalter blushed, watching how Nero’s toes curled from the bliss. “You wanted a virile faun that badly, but you’ll have to settle for a virile knight instead.”

“Same differenceeeeooooh…!~~” The blonde’s attempt at talking back found no purchase when Santa pulled out to the tip and then slammed the toy back in, and again, and again, and again some more. “Yessss…!~”

“...s-she changed her tune quickly...” Jalter mumbled, watching Nero moan and squirm, her fair locks moving over her lap and her breasts jiggling with each savage thrust. Santa shot her fellow Alter an annoyed look.

“And what are you waiting for? Make sure she learns her lesson as well.” Avenger turned even redder than before, especially once the Brit leaned back and grip the emperor’s hips as she moved the toy in and out with each move of her own hips. The upper body of the daughter of Venus was hers to manage. Nero didn’t let her make up her mind, pulling her down by the neck and kissing hungrily. Jalter squeaked and rushed to return the kiss, even as the emperor’s body shook with each strike of the Excalibur.

“So there is some Babylonian Harlot in you, o emperor...” Santa growled, slapping her rear to the resounding jiggle and an excited trill. “If we hadn’t already used Rhongomyniad, I don’t doubt you would devour it as readily as this fairy blade...” Nero tried to talk back again, but Jalter was upon her with more kisses, roughly playing with the divine bust.

“You said “enough talking” earlier…” Avenger grumbled, followed by a lewd giggle from Nero – and another squeak once Santa angled her thrusts to shut the emperor up. “Just fuck her...”

“Pleash~~”

“Hmph. So needy even now...” Santa smirked as she began speeding up, beads of sweat adorning her body from the effort she was putting into the emperor’s resocialization. “We might need a whole court of knights just for you...” Jalter made a frustrated sound as she left Nero’s lips, thundering Santa with her glare. “...what is it-mmf!” Now it was the British Alter getting silenced; not that the emperor didn’t find something to latch on.

“H-hey, what are youu… oh fuck...” Avenger groaned into Rider’s mouth when Nero squealed into her breasts, nibbling on her nipples and licking away at the soft flesh. Jalter panted excitedly, feeling her body – still tingly after her earlier climax – heat up in need. The only thing left to do was to put as much effort into the kiss to shut that annoying Saint up as she could.

They continued like this for a few moments, Santa’s hips picking up speed and the emperor’s squeals getting louder and more insistent. “Pleash… releash me from thish… hah, shweet burdeeeen~” She squealed, latching even harder onto Jalter’s breasts – and making her squeal as well, right into Santa’s mouth – which in turn made _her_ growl and put even more energy into delivering the blissful coup de grace.

It came with a choked cry of the emperor and the arching of her divine body. Avenger moaned with her before her own vision flashed with white and she was wracked with another orgasm of her own. “Kh… set one naughty child off, set off the other...” Santa groaned as her movements slowed down and she collapsed between Nero’s breasts, nuzzling up the vast hills ahead.

“Hah… mh, we know you… don’t really mean it...” The emperor giggled, her voice slurred and her vision still ever so slightly blurry. Santa gave her a dirty look, but offered no further reproach beyond a gentle slap of the right breast. Jalter, still less than coherent, only lowered down for a slower kiss for both of them.

“...this feels nice.” She finally muttered once they’ve collapsed into a tired, lewd cuddlepile. There were no toys and no indecent intent; merely three exhausted Servants nuzzling up to one another. “...thanks. I guess.”

“Don’t mention it… it was… hmh, just something of a duty for me.” Santa replied, insistent on maintaining the decorum even in spite of her weakness – both physical and moral. Nero giggled and graced her with a soft smooch. “...but you’re welcome. I suppose.”

“We should make it a recurring trend—“

“Don’t push your luck, heathen.” Soon enough, the exhaustion took all three of them away, slumbering in each others’ warm embraces.


End file.
